His Words Were Shocking

We were only three weeks into our journey of becoming new parents, but it felt like our marriage had unraveled after hearing my husband’s unexpected and shocking words to me one night.

We were sitting in a restaurant with our three-week-old daughter fast asleep in her car seat at our feet. It was our first “date night” since before her birth, and we were looking forward to getting some fresh air and a change of scenery.

You would think after nine years of wedded bliss, our communication skills would be fine-tuned and polished, and we knew how to express our needs, feelings, and fears with each other.  But with the exhaustion from 21 sleepless days and nights and both of us suffering from “new parent syndrome,” it was about to become a date with disaster.

After placing our food order, my husband looked at me with distress in his eyes and face, then told me he was unhappy in our marriage.

What?!?

I was shocked.  I knew we were both struggling to get through each day caring for a newborn and felt utterly helpless in that endeavor.  I also knew it was a huge adjustment adding a baby into the mix after nine years alone together.  But I honestly had no idea my husband felt neglected the way he did until he spoke those alarming words.

After discussing the reasons that led to his declaration and talking through our feelings about them, we realized a few things:  We recognized that ignoring, holding in, and not expressing our feelings early on was not healthy for our relationship.  We also learned that communication was even more essential when life throws curveballs that interrupt our everyday rhythms.

Clear and healthy communication may not change certain circumstances in our marriages.  But it is essential for us as couples to navigate through the various challenges that inevitably come our way.  Otherwise, life can tear us apart.

What are some ways you can improve communication with your spouse?  Do you need to be a better listener?  Do you need prayer for courage to say what needs to be said?