Poor Communication and Arguing

I am not a fan of poor communication or arguing but have been guilty of both in my marriage.

Several years ago, my husband and I were discussing an ongoing issue in our marriage. We were both very passionate and opinionated on the matter, but our stances were diametrically opposed.

After several minutes of meaningful yet progressively frustrating conversation, our sinful natures ignited, thrusting us straight into an argument. Unfortunately, we did not resolve things that day, which led to more animosity the following day.

When I left the house the next morning, neither of us was happy with the way things were between us. My husband called me on the phone later that afternoon to try and reverse our growing distance.

I cannot say it was a fun conversation because we were still angry with each other. But something unexpected and bizarre happened during that call that immediately improved our communication and helped us turn things around quickly.

Talking on the phone eliminated all the non-verbal triggers that often provoke or antagonize our arguments—like eye rolls, hostile expressions, or other negative body language gestures. This telephone “blindness” allowed us to focus on the issue and power through our frustrations toward a resolution without adding fuel to the fire.

Telephone conversations are not ideal for resolving marriage issues. But this experience showed us the power of negative body language and how much it instigates or perpetuates arguments when we fail to restrain or ignore it.

Since that enlightening day, our communication skills have improved immensely. We recognize how our non-verbal responses convey negativity and work really hard to suppress those urges when discussing frustrating issues.

What about you? What triggers send you and your husband into a relational tailspin? Let me know in the comments because I would love to pray for you.