Passing The Forgiveness Test
When someone hurts us, forgiving them from the heart should always be our end goal as believers. Even if forgiveness cannot be extended to offenders because they lack repentance, it should still be pursued within our hearts to keep bitterness and resentment from becoming permanent residents.
One of the reasons why Jesus calls us to forgive is not because our offenders deserve it, but because we deserve to be freed from the anger and hostility that resulted from their sinful actions against us. Therefore, Jesus calls us to forgive because, otherwise, “harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
How can we tell if we have truly forgiven someone from the heart? Here are some tell-tale indicators to help you make that determination:
We are not holding their offense against them. When we have forgiven someone from the heart, we do not hold them emotionally hostage for what they did to us. Instead, we have released them of that offense and laid it at the cross of Jesus.
We do not feel “owed” something. When we have forgiven someone from the heart, we do not feel entitled to get something from them in return. In other words, we have released them from “making it up to us” or “making it right.”
We do not feel sick when hearing their name. When we have forgiven someone from the heart, we no longer cringe at the sound of their name or upon hearing something about them or their current happiness.
We can speak positively and genuinely about them. When we have forgiven someone from the heart, we do not wish ill will upon them, even if they have received a just punishment for their offense(s). Instead, we can talk positively about them and mean everything we say.
[Note: Forgiveness and restoration are distinctly different things, so be careful not to confuse the two. We are always required to forgive everyone from the heart who offends us. However, we are not required to verbally express that forgiveness to someone without their repentance, nor are we mandated in Scripture to restore relationships with everyone. In some cases, restoration would not be wise on our part. Therefore, godly wisdom and discernment should always be employed, along with much prayer [and godly counsel, if necessary] (1 Corinthians 15:33).