Offended By Others
As women, we tend to feel things on an intense, emotional level. This can make our recovery process challenging when we have been offended and wounded by others — especially if we gloss over our pain like it does not exist.
Though we do not necessarily need to address “every sin or offense” committed against us, we need to confront others about the wrongs they have done whenever it results in a division or broken fellowship within our relationship. Therefore, prior to following Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 18 about handling these types of situations, here are some practical things we can do to help prepare our hearts for that encounter:
Do not “react.” Reacting at the moment someone hurts us typically results in us saying things we should not utter and do not genuinely mean. Instead, we should avoid adding to an already stressful situation by using self-control and waiting to respond until we can do so appropriately (see Galatians 5:22-25; James 3:13, and 1 Peter 3:8-12).
Take time to process everything. When we are hurt or offended, we need to take time to process what we are feeling and why. It helps calm us down, allows us to think through why we were offended, and prepares us for addressing our offender rationally and succinctly when the time is right (see James 1:19).
Do not discount our feelings. Talking ourselves out of our pain or downplaying what we feel never helps heal or resolve anything. It only provides an environment for bitterness to fester under the radar. Instead, we need to be honest about our feelings, own them, ask Jesus to help us work through them in healthy, biblical ways, and then communicate our feelings appropriately (see Philippians 4:6-9).
Do not sweep things under the rug. Dismissing someone else’s sinful behavior, treating offenses as “okay,” and never confronting others about how they have hurt us is unhealthy and unbiblical. If we want genuine healing and restoration to occur within our relationships, we must be willing to confront others about their offenses rather than ignoring them or pretending they did not occur (see Luke 17:3-4; Matthew 5:23-24).
Do not gossip. Throwing someone under the bus to others is an ungodly way of handling conflicts or problems. Instead, we need to address the person who offended us, one-on-one, and seek resolution with them. If we want biblical guidance or counsel on how to do that, we should always check our motives to make sure “seeking counsel” is not an excuse to gossip (see Proverbs 16:28; Ephesians 4:29).
Pray for our offender. When someone has hurt us, praying for them regularly and asking Jesus to bless them always aids in our healing. It also helps set our hearts right toward that person before we confront them about their sinful actions against us (see Romans 12:14; Matthew 5:44-45).
Stick with the issue or offense. When we are ready to confront the person who hurt us, we should only address their hurtful actions and not attack them or their character. Sticking with the issue at hand dramatically increases the chances of them repenting instead of being defensive. We should also avoid using the terms “always” and “never” since those are exaggerations and rarely accurate (see 1 Peter 4:8; John 13:34, and Philippians 2:3-4).