Re-Engaging After Arguments

Picture this:  You and your spouse are discussing something you do not see eye-to-eye on.  After several back-and-forth exchanges, temperatures rise because neither of you feels heard.  An argument inevitably erupts, and you immediately shut down.

Sound familiar?

Since unresolved issues never fix themselves, here are some steps to help you re-engage in the conversation so a resolution can occur:

• Give Yourself a Time-Out.

  Getaway alone somewhere to calm down.  Removing yourself from the tense situation stops the emotionally charged input and output.

• Pray for Clarity.

  Ask Jesus to help you and your spouse see the situation or problems clearly.

• Process the Conversation.

  Rationally think through everything discussed and focus on the real issue or problem.

• Analyze Your Feelings.

  Pinpoint why you feel the way you do.

• Pray for Communication Intervention.

  Ask the Holy Spirit to help you communicate your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings to your spouse without shutting down.

• Prepare to Listen Without Interrupting.

  Good communication involves active listening as much as talking.  So, be ready to listen to your spouse’s beliefs, thoughts, and feelings on the issues without interrupting him.

I know it can be difficult to re-engage after shutting down.  But following these recommendations can help prepare you for it when the time is right.  Do not give up!  You can do this!