Do Opposites Attract Or Compete

My husband Joe and I are opposites in many ways.  In most areas, our differences have complemented each other and our marriage.  But there have been other differences that have created intense conflict and competition throughout the years.  Thankfully, we figured them out before they got out of hand, but it was not a fun process at the time.

One of our competing differences was our need for “downtime.”  Joe loves getting away together as often as possible.  He needs consistent breaks from the stress and pressure of ministry and loves to “pack up and go” frequently, taking me with him.  However, I am a homebody who looks forward to enjoying the peace and tranquility of staying home.  Since we committed never to spend a night apart, these differences were incompatible --  and we often competed over whose need would prevail.

Another of our competing differences was conflicting temperaments.  Although it took us years to pinpoint the obvious, we finally recognized that Joe naturally operated from a heart of compassion, whereas I typically functioned from an analytical mindset.  That should not have been a problem, but we found ourselves judging and criticizing each other’s temperaments instead of viewing them as complementary and valuable to our marriage.

One last example of our competing differences was our similarities!  It took us decades to recognize how our shared desire for deep communication, time spent together, and mutual affection created negativity in our relationship.  Despite wanting the same things, we still made inaccurate assessments of each other based on our differing capacity levels.  We finally learned to celebrate and respect each other’s differences and limitations rather than tearing them down or demanding our own way.

Nobody said marriage was easy.  But sometimes, our differences are the very things God uses to facilitate oneness in our relationship.  Jesus will teach us to rely on each other for the things we lack while appreciating the unique differences He designed in us for His glory – even if turbulence is required to get us there.

In what ways are you and your spouse competing in your marriage?  What is one thing you will do today to help turn the tide?