Doubting Jesus' Power

I was ashamed to admit that I doubted Jesus’ power, but the truth was – I did!

It began in 2008.  It was the beginning of the most painful ordeal I had ever experienced.  It rocked me so deeply to the core that I was not sure I would come out the other side.

My nightmare went on for three years.  After not seeing any changes occur, I finally reached my breaking point.  I felt entirely helpless and was exhausted in every way possible.  My relationship with Jesus was suffering; my prayers had become desperate pleas, and I resorted to begging God to put an end to this “bad dream.” 

When Jesus had not done what I had begged of Him, I started checking out emotionally.  I often crawled into my shell and suffered alone.  I did not talk to anyone about my ordeal except my husband – but as time ticked by, nothing made my circumstances improve.  Everything I thought would fix my situation did not, but it only made things worse.

As crazy as it sounds, I was trusting Jesus to intervene but equally doubting His ability to do anything at all.  Deep down, I felt like my situation was even too big for God to fix.  Facing those doubts and unbelief made me feel despicable.

One day, after reading Mark 9 and a desperate father’s plea of, “Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!” I burst into tears.  In my despair, I prayed, “Lord, help me!  Help my unbelief!  Help me trust You with this situation because I am failing at it miserably!”

Through this encounter, Jesus showed me that I needed to surrender everything to Him instead of trying to fix it myself.  I needed to trust Him to do what only He could do in the first place—the impossible!

A few days later, I received my breakthrough.  But it all began with me surrendering my situation to Jesus and asking Him to help me believe Him once again.

What about you?  What has hindered your relationship with Jesus or is causing your faith to waver?